a new blog.

Well, I guess I barely let people see my serious side. It only comes when I start writing it down. God knows what I'll be in the future. Then again, it's also up to me to work on it.

But I haven't really been working on it.

God knows who my role model is. It's my dad. But he's my dad and we don't have the bond you see on tv. We don't talk about emotional stuff like Hannah Montana and her daddy (yes I watch that show, thanks sis, thanks a lot meh). I should be talking about it to my mom, but lately I haven't really been trusting her enough.

I usualy talk to my friends about it, but if you consider the fact that we haven't met in a long time. I've always been stopped by the fear of being selfish. I do talk a lot about my problems and I realize it. Once I do, I'd stop completely. I'll cover it up with being a little too carefree about life. Maybe I'm wrong, but if you cknow how to fix me, yeah go ahead. Try.

Sadly, noone can fix me but me. If I'm gonna change, it'll be for me. Not for anyone else. Not for my parents. Not for my best friends. Not for anybody.

Well, maybe for my sisters and anyone else who somehow look up to me. Don't know why. I appreciate it.

Well, yeah even though I'm in a bit of a mess, I'll handle it nicely. Even though sometimes I feel like life's unfair. Why is it only happening to me, while other people who have done worse are living the life like I wanted to. Come to think of it, it's good that God still loves me enough to give me a warning and stop me from doing what I've done. God still loves me enough to show me .. reality. Also, I don't know how other people are feeling. Maybe they also are looking at me they way I'm looking at them. Maybe they're just covering it up so people can't see their vulnerable side.

And talk about vulnerable side, why am I covering it in public but blogging it anyway? Yeah, as I said, all this can only come out in writing.

It's not that I don't give a fuck about what people think of me. It's just that I don't wanna show em that they can take control of me. Coz I don't know how to show them that I actually appreciate their advice without being ashamed of myself. I guess Im being immature.

Anyway. Hey this is my blog.